The good, The bad, and The ugly: Romanticization.

It's not always about the chic, office siren, Pilates princess aesthetic, it's about the unhindered focus on your goals and the violent passion for living. For many, a way to achieve and fulfill this craving for life is via Romanticization, the act of making something seem more attractive, idealized, or glamorous than it actually is, a term popularized online by content creators, many of which are teenagers, students, and my peers and if there’s one thing I know about teenage girls, it’s that if something doesn’t fit neatly into a curated aesthetic, it’s often dismissed as unworthy. Let me help you make the admirable life so many including me and you desire whilst also providing the true and relevant warnings so many turn a blind-eye to.

The good

Romanticizing your life isn't about faking, seeking, and hoping for perfection to come knocking, it's about finding beauty in the ordinary, revamping the vanilla moments into something to be savored. Personally, I adore the concept of finding bite size pieces of romance and love in everything you do, and the real beauty of it all is that there are so many things you can think of to stitch together your ideal life. There is a catalogue of aesthetics and so-called 'cores' available to choose from: mob wife, clean girl, coquette, old money, dark academia, downtown girl, I could go on for days. My point is the opportunity to become someone new is an exciting and enticing one. Start meditating in the mornings, calm yourself and become an elegant Grace Kelly. Replace your screen time with time spent reading, become educated and witty like Audrey Hepburn.

Although I encourage taking inspiration from the many perfectly iconic women that have come before us it's important to acknowledge your own imperfections as there is always beauty in imperfection. Making peace with the chaotic nature of day to day life will lead to the most romantic moments, the unplanned ones: spilled coffee of cursive writing in a burgundy journal, rain tapping against the window of a candlelit room during a power outage, soft breezes during evening walks in the summer that mess up your hair. The most perfect moments in our lives are the imperfect and seemingly mundane ones. Noticing the small scenes in your life lead to a brighter and lighter life. The seasonal sadness seems to disappear and become replaced by the memory and excitement of sweet times.

Furthermore, choosing to romanticize life can create a new you, a better you.  A you with healthier habits and a you that is working hard for a bright and successful future. For example, a huge part of the romanticized lifestyle is a healthy lifestyles complete with 7am Pilates, salads, and smoothies. All these things not only improve your physical appearance by toning your body with workouts and improving your skin with healthier food and smoothies, but they also could help to improve your wellbeing. It's commonly known that moving your body, whether it be via a walk or yoga, releases endorphins which automatically relieve our stress and help regulate our emotions. This leads to an energized and more confident version of yourself, you will feel more energized and in control. When you prioritize a healthy lifestyle you are not only crafting an ideal aesthetic but creating life that benefits your body and mind. And this doesn't have to be extreme, by making small but intentional choices such as swapping screen time for a sunset stroll. This is what makes everyday moments meaningful and what better way to bring meaning to life than to value self-care.

A brighter and more successful future can also be built through romanticization. Another huge part of romanticization is striving for academic and career success, icons don’t just sit around and wait for an ideal life to waltz by. Think of Audrey Hepburn perfecting her craft, or Vivian Westwood breaking boundaries in fashion. They chased their dreams relentlessly, turning passion into purpose. The truth is, everyone is capable of achieving their goals, big or small, so never settle for less, and never let go of the motivation that fuels your journey to success. Romanticization isn’t just about admiring an aesthetic, it’s about using it as fuel to turn dreams into reality. Becoming the top of your class or the most critically acclaimed expert in your field doesn’t happen overnight, but small steps, like curating a vision board or setting micro-goals, can make the process feel exciting rather than exhausting. Even the mundane tasks, like studying, can be romanticized. From study influencers who share their productivity routines to perfectly aesthetic Pinterest boards that make even late-night revision feel cinematic, these small touches can turn hard work into a meaningful ritual rather than a burden.

The bad

Not all red flags come colored with warning some are draped in silk and wrapped with a bow. To romanticize something by definition is 'to talk about something in a way that makes it sound better than it really is, or to believe that something is better than it really is'. There are various positives that come along with using this method of 'manifestation' in your everyday life, however, taking another point of view from the definition 'to believe that something is better than it really is' can prove to be toxic. And as you know the stripes on a tiger are hard to change, once this negative and manipulative thinking invades your waking thoughts, rewiring your brain to combat these thoughts and convert them into something more manageable and favorable can prove to be difficult. This is why I think of the concept of Romanticization as a double-edged sword, on one hand being optimistic in life can lead to many positive changed in your day-to-day mood however being toxically optimistic can greatly damage your well being. This is why it is important to keep a balance to avoid building a distorted version of reality.

You have to keep in mind not everything can be romanticized meaning not everything can or has to go your way. Life isn't perfect and comes with ups and downs, and it is important to learn how to deal with these emotions in order to feel fulfilled in life. Not learning how to properly handle rough times in your life and instead conceal them behind the curtain of idealism can lead to emotional burnout and toxic positivity when you feel pressure to always feel and look happy. This can create extremely unrealistic expectations for yourself and may make you feel like you are failing when your life doesn't matchup to a picturesque narrative. Growth occurs when you embrace and acknowledge the highs and lows, and acknowledging these struggles whilst maintaining hope and not losing your sense of self is what romanticization should be about.

Another negative I have considered when it comes to romanticization is that constantly reinventing oneself becomes repetitive, exhausting, and unrealistic. The trend cycle has now become so short some trends are only good for a week before everyone has moved on to the next and this is the fault of the internet. Social media such as TikTok has made it so trends come and go so quick that some may think in order to have the picture perfect life they have to constantly keep up to date and switch around their aesthetics to fit in and have the so called ideal lifestyle. This leaves me questioning: is reinvention always empowering? The societal pressure to fit into a 'core' can often feel more like a obligation than a choice and this pressure is intensified by social media. Online, these 'aesthetics' are glorified but do they actually make us happy or just provide a meaningless goal for us to aimlessly chase. This could potentially lure many into a toxic cycle of never feeling like enough which ultimately will damage your mental wellbeing and create an identity crisis. When you're constantly shifting who you are to fit an aesthetic, there is a risk of losing sight of what truly makes you happy. Are you dressing a certain way because it genuinely fulfills you, or because it’s what’s trending? The more we shape ourselves around temporary trends, the harder it becomes to figure out our true interests, passions, and values.

The ugly

Insecurity is a fruit nourished in the backyard of comparison and the flowers growing next to that fruit are the desperate attempts to romanticize your life in a plea to make the mundane everyday live up to the carefully curated image of the glamorous everyday many seemingly experience every day online. The truth is no amount of Muji pens and new stationary will fix your math grade and no amount of physical rebranding and new products will consolidate the innermost feeling within somebody to become another somebody they are not. 

 By the time a diamond image had been reached all a person is left with is who they truly are and if they don't like that person the strenuous effort it takes to become an aesthetic is truly for nothing. I say this as a warning, there are many methods to become a new person through mindset rather than through physical attractiveness. If somebody's sole reason for wanting to re-envision themselves and their life is to fit is the tight and uncomfortable constraints of society's standards for physical beauty and success I don't recommend romanticization to be their first call of action. Wanting to be named conventionally successful and beautiful isn't necessarily a bad thing however it's not new news that 'conventional' is not we need. We need uniqueness, in a world where the mainstream is groups of monogenous people, same faces, same style, same aesthetic, the courage to be different is something to be valued. Again, fitting into the mainstream is not automatically negative but wanting to be something, someone you are not just to be 'socially acceptable' and 'aesthetic' is saddening. I suggest anyone who feels the need to romanticize, not to fulfill their true self but to create a new self should first recognize the dangers of strict societal standards and the unrealistic image of a false reality many put out to create an illusion many fall victim too. I think it's also important to identify a solid reason to want to reconstruct themselves, one that is healthy and sustainable.

Another ugly aspect of romanticization is the expenses. Typical romanticization seemingly comes at a high price, new skin products, body products, hair products, hair tools, they all add up. In reality, becoming your desired self comes with no price but the value of your own dedication and desire. Becoming your 'highest self' has nothing to do with finances but its hard to see that. With all the influencers who send majority of their posts bragging about new purchases, PR packages, and lavish routines online to an audience filled with majority young girls who tend to be vulnerable. They will be introduced to the belief that these things are the norm, that to become whoever you want to be you need to spend spend and spend. Many aren't able to afford and sustain this lifestyle creating unrealistic expectations for themselves, this can be an incredibly slippery slope into darkness one which i recommend many should be wary of. Its not about spending money to replicate an influencer's life hut crafting your own ideal version via taking inspiration without losing authenticity.

Furthermore, the expenses, which are out of reach for many, may also create a sense of financial insecurity for young people who watch popular 'Get Ready With Me' and 'haul' videos that influencers post online.. Not being able to afford expensive products or fashion may make these young people many teenagers and children feel outcast from wider society but especially in environments such as school. Bullying is already an increasing problem given the increased use of social media meaning if a teenager was to not have certain clothing that is trending at the time leading them to wear something 'dated' they may be feeling anxious of being mocked by their peers which is the unfortunate reality for many. This not only makes a person insecure of themselves but also could instill financial insecurity from a young age, which could lead to a cycle of low self-esteem. When teenagers don't think they are 'enough' because they don't fit into an aesthetic or because they cant afford expensive or designer products can impact confidence and well being. This constant comparison with people around them will extend past just fashion and will grow yo affect their perception of beauty and success. 

It's important to recognize that trends don't define a persons worth. True confidence comes from embracing individuality and encouraging people to find a personal style and understand what we see on social media is almost never reality but a curated collage will help them navigate this societal pressure.

Overall, although romanticization helps motivate you to build healthier habits and an ideal lifestyle which will steadily place you on the path to you dream future, like everything, there will always be negatives, I advise people to focus on their sense of self and build an aesthetic for you that isn't just copied and pasted from an unrealistic influencer.

thank you for reading! (my first INFP diary post!!)

comment what you think and any other topics you would like me discuss!

-K.I